Updates: Darius Guerrero Documentary, DERE EVIL EXE Nomination, and Life

It’s been a while since I wrote on this blog.

For a while things have been very sunny. Zack Griset from Buildbox made a sort of documentary featuring me and the guys. Stayed over at our country for a week and it was a hell of a great time.


Then, DERE EVIL EXE was named one of the finalists for the International Mobile Gaming Awards. It got a lot of attention, and I believe it was close to winning the award for People’s Choice.


Sadly, I’m here. Alone on a Friday night. Getting invites but I don’t feel like partying. For the last few months though, those parties helped me get by. I had the chance to reconnect with my bestest of friends. I was back with my old gang and the drinking sessions were on. It's part of me anyway. Even when I worked my government job it's been one of the highlights of my week. I was happy. But now I don’t feel I deserve it. I'm not productive enough to deserve a drink. I haven't been getting my life in order too.

Been months since I made anything substantial. Last month I did make a legitimate old school NES game called PROTO DERE .NES and it was nothing more than an easter egg for AppSir fans. Not really something that would make money.

I have the concept for DERE Vengeance in my head but I’m limited with a lot of things right now. There’s also my desire to make one more game before that to add backstory to the game but I’m conflicted. Making a game before the big one wouldn’t really help make more money. It’s my artistic desire vs business sense fighting, but I know the true AppSir fans admired us for putting artistic integrity and lore-building first before anything else. So, I don’t know what to do.

But, the biggest tests I’m facing right now are all personal. I feel burnt out. Sad. Tired. I make decisions chasing happiness, only for them to not work out in the end. Now, everything's different. I don’t know what’s happening. I feel much happier with certain aspects of my life this time last year. God feels like a thousand years ago.

I want a sign that says "it's okay."

Comments

  1. There probably isn't anything I can say to help with your personal tests, except perhaps good luck and the most sincere "It will be okay" I can give. As a fan, I will say that the last thing I want is for my—or anyone's—expectations to cause you so much anxiety about your next release(s). As great as artistic integrity or desire is, it's not the whole picture of game development, is it? We get that. I'm not suggesting sacrificing art for the sake of money, because that's not what you're about. I am saying I hope you and your friends and family are able to find a good balance between the artistic desire and the business sense.

    Good luck on your apps, sir. ;) Still rooting for you!

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