You Shouldn't Post This

You ever have those days/months/years where you feel like everyone just wants something from you? And then you freely give and give and give. Because that's just how you are. And then you feel sad.

But people won't validate your sadness. It's impossible because you're smart, can learn to do anything, have a lot of supporters, you have achieved a lot. But then you think "what do you get from that, really? Aren't you just achieving so you can achieve more?" People will think you shouldn't be unhappy, but it's there. There are a lot of victories but you never get to celebrate them.

Then people will say "You are in a much better position than most. You have direction. Other people are having a hard time looking for jobs, looking for money..." So you feel guilty about being sad. Even though you worked for everything you have. You feel guilty about expressing your sadness because other people in your life might feel it's because of them. And you don't want other people being sad too, so you give a little more.

Then your life gets bigger, and the demand gets bigger. More attention, energy, resources, and time. For everything. For everyone. And you freely give. And give. But then you never really get the happiness you want. So sometimes you feel used.

And then in days you just want to be happy... on special days you feel like you deserve it... you end up more miserable than the day before.

Then you'd want to post something like this. Even though it's cringy to post stuff like this on social media. Because there's months and months of pain building up in your chest and you're desperately wanting some form of release.

Then you'd want to delete the post already. Not because it's cringy, but because people look up to you. People have a different idea about you in their heads and you don't want them feeling different after reading something like this. Some people get a sense of comfort from that. And as you're writing this you want to just erase the whole thing. Because you always put other people first.

Because you feel like that's how you're wired. You don't want other people feeling bad. You don't want them to be sad. So you'll always put your own happiness as the least priority. And you feel like you're trapped in the destiny that you're always meant to achieve everything you've dreamed for. You've been given a lot of potential. So you can't ever give up and call it quits. But you know that's not gonna make you happy.

So life goes on.


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