A Well-Adjusted Person

I've written about my journey to becoming a better person. It just dawned on me I never explained what I meant by that. I've been working on becoming a more well-adjusted person. I'm happy to report that I think I've been making good progress. Unlike most journeys, this one shouldn't have an ending. It should be a lifelong commitment.

Part of me has always been afraid of this. I was afraid that if I were "healed", I wouldn't be crazy enough to go for the big dreams I had. I thought I needed to have delusions of grandeur, a toxic self-hating mindset, and narcissism to keep myself interesting and going for the impossible. Turns out, it made things worse for me. I worked too well, but it ended up hurting people around me and depriving me of what I needed.

My fears were unfounded. My journey to becoming a better person didn't affect my over-the-top goals at all. I should have been working on becoming a better person from the start, with the same tenacity I have for learning new skills and chasing new accomplishments. I could have been a better person for the people in my life. I would have been kinder to myself, and I would have not have been such a people-pleaser. I could have had more genuine connections if I was genuine to myself.

I wish I had these epiphanies when they mattered.

That said, I don't hang on to feelings of regret that much anymore. Emotions don't get the better of me these days. I wish I knew early on how emotional I could get, and how stupid I get when I'm emotional.

I understand now that I can't rewrite the past, but I can create the best future while enjoying the present. That's the formula for me to reach the level of maturity, contentment, stability, and carefree attitude I aspire to have. On most days I pat myself on the back, knowing that I'm making decisions the old me wouldn't have made. Progress. I'm learning to become more well-adjusted, and that's all that matters for now.

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