I'm Happy

I'm happy again. Really! I usually write on this blog whenever I'm sad, but today I have this weird compulsion to shout to the world how happy I am. Not to the world, really, just to the few dozen people that read this blog.

Did something happen? Nothing in particular. I have this theory that finishing a half-bottle of Johnnie Walker last week fixed a sort of chemical imbalance in my brain or something. Or maybe it was the drunken honesty, or maybe I'm just miserable sober? Whatever the case, I haven't had a drink since then, but I'm still in good spirits! Pun intended.

I also have this sneaking suspicion that losing weight helped too. I know I've made posts like this before, but it's been going on for a week now. I think I've finally won my battle with depression, a battle I've been fighting since 2019. I'm sure of it. I'm dancing in the shower, for gosh sakes! Don't worry, there were anti-slip mats.

I don't think I've ever been this happy for so long. Alcohol is never the answer, but this was the exception.  It was a weird night. I was completely honest with myself as I drank. The defense mechanisms in my brain didn't stand a chance.

My hungover brain reminded me how exciting my life has been so far. I've gone on these weird, wild, and wacky adventures. I've had drinks and deep conversations with thousands of people. I've done a lot in different fields of work. And... I still have my entire life ahead of me. I have a ton of new people to meet and interesting adventures coming my way.

I'm enjoying every moment I'm not depressed. Maybe because now that I have a dark time to compare moments of my life to, I've become more grateful for the little things. It really feels different. Sure, sadness still creeps in from time to time. I just let it go on and then I do something that amuses me. It helps to focus on the hilarious aspects of my life. That is the secret to happiness, I think? Well, it's the key to happiness for me at least.

I'm never taking life seriously again. I've spent too much time overthinking and feeling sad. I'm going to make sure I have fun every day. I also realize I just don't care anymore. I think most people tend to be unhappy because they focus too much on what other people think. It's not what caused my depression, mind you, but it helps to be proactive against it. I don't need approval or validation. I'm not going to operate within societal expectations. In fact, I should just operate outside of it. No one gets to tell me how I want to live my life.

Does this mean I won't be ambitious anymore? No. It only means I'm operating with a fresh perspective now. I still want to achieve all these things, but only because I know I can and I believe I'll enjoy the result. I'm going to law school when physical classes are on again. I think online classes are boring. I'm looking forward to the journey as much as I am looking forward to the end of it.

If you've read my book "The Choice to Live Forever", you'll know that one character there experiences an existential crisis as the end draws near for her. I've had similar thoughts. I know that we only have one life and it ends sooner than we think. I want to make the most of this life every day. I want to live in the present more and just enjoy the heck out of it. No worries. No stress. No pressure.

I never knew I could make myself so happy. I've never felt this much power before!

Now for an unrelated picture so this post won't ruin the layout of this blog:






back to top