Premature Elation

Maybe my post about being completely happy was premature. I'm not usually premature at anything, promise!

To the surprise of no one but me, I'm still slipping. I still feel sadness and regret on some days. But I guess it's just normal. I shouldn't have expected that I'd do a complete 180. Maybe this is just my depression hangover, and I'm still suffering from a wet brain.

I still keep my distance from all the groups I used to be in. It's not their fault, I just want a fresh start. A part of me died, but I'm coming out happier. I'm getting real good at making myself happy. Last night I found myself hysterically laughing at a joke I thought of myself. I don't know if I should be proud of how self-sustaining I've become, or I should be worried because it's come to the point that I'm making myself laugh out loud.

Point is, despite me feeling unproductive and sad on some days, I'm going much better. The ability to make myself happy is a power I never knew I needed. With this power, I never have to rely on any person to complete me. I've always wanted to seek out people that are on the same wavelength as me, and now I realize I shouldn't long for people after all. Everything I'll ever need comes from me. I've never felt this much power before!

Now here's a 2000-year-old mosaic of a skeleton enjoying wine and bread, surrounded by the words "be cheerful, live your life". While the interpretation is still under debate, it seems to echo the beliefs of philosophers like Epicurus of Samos, known for the motto "Enjoy life as much as you can because tomorrow is uncertain." Maybe life's just about pursuing pleasure and happiness. These ancients seem to have it all figured out.



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